I find myself hatching mad plans to go tearing off across the country. I'm like a reckless teenager again but only in my head. My own body and the small dead part of my brain which makes me an adult is still anchored firmly enough to resist these mad urges. Am I so locked into this deadend that I'm having a mid-lifer crisis at 28??? I miss passion excitement, being eager to actually be somewhere, or get somewhere or see someone. Now I only want out of here. Meaning my job, my house, my body.

Going on several weeks of depression with no break, It's starting to wear on me, I have started taking tylenol PM so I can sleep the entire night through. It and the martinis seem to be working well together. I wake up sweaty and tired like I've been tossing and turning all night, and my dreams are restless. I've had recurring dreams about tornadoes and sex for the last dreams I can remember.

Always caught mid act by some distraction my sex dream has no substance no finale, always the distraction is something that runs cold fear through me. My brother leapt into a water tornado last night from the second story of my dad's house where he still lives. I watched in terror until he came back and said try it it's fun.. Then a brown and black dirt twister swept up the houses around us and I went back to the woman and we ran in fear, but my brother was no longer there.