It's turning into an odd year.. So many changes, so fast, like I turned a corner and stepped onto a subway platform. So many different things tugging on my emotions and thoughts. My father is sick, I never knew, only just found out that he does "not" have cancer.Never knew he suspected he did. Of course I only talk to him once a year, visited his house 1 time in 10 years. Stunned to hear how ill he was, almost lost him it seems and I've not made peace with him. We have an uneasy uncomfortable truce. it seems if it got too uncomfortable what connection we have would just dissolve. At least i won't go back to the seething anger. How does the prodigal son return? On one knee with one hand out in suplication, the other leg tucked under, ready to spring away in any direction. The other hand hidden behind the back with a club to respond to any threat. be it to his freedom or individuality.
Am I wrong to not be able to express my concern for him now that somethings wrong. or am I wrong for avoiding him for so long it became awkward to be in contact with him..
Just as I want some of my sins erased from years ago, so must he. Recognized or not I was not just a victim of him, I fought back constantly in many ways.
Then contact with the past, how odd that so many from so long ago would make contact. Truth' I did sign onto the sights and gave out my contact info, just stranger that so many actually contacted. An odd day, and not over yet....