It's astounding how fast the sheer boredom of my job can deflate e and take all the joy out of my day. Today was a happy day I was excited and brimming with possibilities for a life. At least possibilities for enjoying life and being able to look past the doldrums to the white water beyond and all the press and excitement. Knowing full well that excitement is not always positive I still ache for it. Several times I was "bored" these past few days off of work, but it was more a restless, what can I do next type of bored, not this dreary chained to my chair, must sit here to pay the bills kind of bored. I can feel the flowers and smells and colors of my time off turning gray and empty in my head. Describe the scent of grey. The feel, the damp texture of fog or mist but not too cold or too wet, that would become something. A wall you can't touch, but you're sure it is there, even though you can't see it. You can't see anything past it though nothing is blocking you sounds are there but not audible you can feel them waiting to shout out if only you could escape the shroud.
A short digression into plagiarism wiped out with a few key strokes then we continue... How long will I be able to continue this life with this job. Is it truly unbearable? Or am I just fatigued with the dreary repetition. Burned out..