What's grosser than gross?

Standing at a urinal and having a ginormously fat guy come stand next to you. (That's not the gross part yet.)
First off he's fat like someone stuffed a sofa cushion in the front of his shirt, all front body mass. Just look at him and you can picture a family sized tub of chip-dip resting snugly on the swell of his stomach wedged between his man-boobs. (still not gross yet)
He starts panting and making this grunting noise as he tries to hunch over to get to his zipper. He sounds like 5 guys in a porno film and his zipper hasn't even made a sound yet. I'm praying to my own bladder to hurry up before anything else happens but unfortunately I drank 4 22 oz coffees and 2 diet pepsi and I'm stuck here for the long haul (as soon as I thought it I had to write it).
Finally his zipper goes scccrrrtcchcc and after some more contortions he stands up a little bit and he's breathing heavy like he ran a marathon or his johnson weighs like 500 pounds. (still not the gross part yet)
He starts pissing and all I hear is splatter splatter, and I jump back just in time because fat dude is peeing straight down and it's hitting the ground between his feet and spraying all over his shoes pants and the floor.
I almost wish my stomach were a little weaker so I could have commented in the bathroom by hurling on him, but alas I did not. I am supremely glad nothing appears to have touched me, I hope he's embarrassed as a teenager getting caught wacking off to the sears catalog.